Help with the 1st chapter of my manga.....

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rikadoshinka	Help with the 1st chapter of my manga.....	Lead	[-]
Posts: 1 (10/31/09 17:58:40) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Tags : rikado, shinka, abyss, seven erm im looking for ideas for my manga called Abyss Seven. I'm looking for a story that can link these things together: (God, Demon, Death god)(These i've settled but i will welcome anymore ideas!) (guy whose ability is sealed by his eye-patch but will lose the eye-patch after the 1st chapter, a girl who is not accepted by the class cause she's an asura.) Oh by the way: There are 3 kinds of human:Devias(the human closer to god), Gaia (normal human with powers) Asura( human with power closer to demon and death god) Plot will be sumthing like tis but i was hoping for a better 1: the guy will be something like a transfer student to the girl's school and will be living in her house as her mother n his r gd friends. (This is the intro to the story: God , Demon and Death God... These are the 3 beings that rule over our world. For a long time the demon had been feeding on humans for spiritual energy, disrupting the flow of life and death, not wanting this to continue, the god and death god joined hands to stop it, however they were proven to be no match for the demon god, in fact they were crushed, in the end they sacrificed themselves to seal the demon god into the gates of life and death, However as these 3 fought, their powers flowed into our world... at the same time causing it to evolve and from there it gave birth to 3 species of human... From then on, our world is never the same...) I juz nd some help with how the guy meets the girl at first but if u guys have other ideas for the rest of my chapter i will gladly consider it too! Yup tats about it, hope to hear from u guys soon and thanks in advance!
Naito		#1	[-]
Posts: 11 (11/01/09 01:16:44) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	maybe the guy gets into some sort of trouble at school, or they bump into each other on the street. (not knowing that they'll be living together from that day on.) and the girl calls him some names because he bumped into her. Or she has to pick him up with her mother from where ever he is traveling from. (boat,train,plane, etc)
rikadoshinka		#2	[-]
Posts: 2 (11/01/09 01:24:20) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	hmm , liked the idea of calling him names, but wat names and y does she call him those names? Oh by the way the genre is: Action, School Life, Shounen , Romance and Comedy. Anyway thanks alot, hope to see more post coming, P.S if i manage to sort the whole plot out i will post in on blog for viewing
rikadoshinka	Drafts made	#3	[-]
Posts: 3 (11/02/09 06:13:14) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Hmm... No new replies, but nevermind. I've made 2 drafts of my characters there r up 4 viewing here : www.abyss7.blogspot.com, pls giv me comments and more ideas!! Thanks !
Qwertyman		#4	[-]
Posts: 220 (11/02/09 09:22:34) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	I'm impressed with the first sketches, they are very good- onto the story; I'm going to be quite bias here, I'm not a fan of manga as a whole, and those that i do like- its the art that draws me in more than the story usually. I'd say try to make your manga very visually interesting, not just telling a story but giving a great taste of the world the characters live in too, throw in a few large vistas here and there- filling in some subtle back story to the world and characters with the content of the backgrounds. For the story itself, I personally would focus less on the school romance part and more on the larger story, but that's only because I dislike collage romance tales, again as i said I'm bias about things like this- My ideas on the gods (just my random thoughts here btw :P) Ive never liked 'good' and 'evil' gods, since what is considered to be 'good' and 'evil' vary from culture to culture and is a highly debatable topic, personally I think it would be better if the gods were a bit more 'moraly gray'- whilst they have their own moral code and agendas, they aren't simply blanketly good and evil, although their worshipers may see them that way. I see the 'good god' as holding law and order in high standing, seeming somewhat dictatorial at times- blind to any view but his (and his worshipers being the same) The 'death god' as having a view that 'evil' is necessary, he still holds the moral code of the good god, but feels people should have much more freedom in their actions- even if this means a loss of good in the world. The 'Evil god' would not see humans the same way as the other gods, he sees them more as servants or playthings- whilst he would not be the mindless killer that legend describes him as, his subjects would live in abject poverty and servitude to his daemons (again, not totally evil monsters, instead they see themselves as a sort of higher class of creature, treating humans as we would treat a working animal) You will need to think about the culture that your characters live in: I get the impression that it is similar to ours- the existence of magic and people with powers would drastically alter our society, would the 3 types of humans coexist, or would there be segregation of some sorts? is there any conflict between the groups? how do their powers affect entertainment, medicine, the military and other such things? I imagine that if there is any way to influence or improve the powers, then there would be strict rules on their use- as well as a sort of arms race between rival countries. Also- with 3 clear distinct and magical groups, then religion is sure to be a huge part of their lives- in fact it probably wont be looked on as a religion, but science- since it will be the study of actual happenings and their effects rather than philosophy. ^ just my random thoughts (i get carried away when thinking about stuff), just to give you some ideas if you need them , feel free to disregard all of that :P
rikadoshinka		#5	[-]
Posts: 4 (11/02/09 22:30:57) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Lol the sketches were gd? i tot it was missing the feel that i want though. Regarding your question on whether the 3 race co-exist is a problem for me 2. By the way the girl is asura as for the guy i am still deciding among the 2 here: 1) He is an Asura thus is able to understand the discrimination from the other races 2) He's a Gaia but he does not hate nor discrimate any race thus is able to communicate with the girl(He may become the bridge between the 3 race in the future ) Oh and by the way this are the following abilities of the 3 race: Devias( 2 Powers out of the 5 elements and Powers closer to healing rather than combat, specialise in range attacks, able to transform into the Devias state and receive abilities like high speed regen and god like speed) Gaia(Powers from the 5 elements: Fire, Water, Air, Lightning and Nature, are able to master all 5) Asura(2 Powers of only the following 3 element: Fire, Lightning and Air, but they have the ability to transform into their asura state which grants them other powers while not being able to use the elements) for now this is the few ideas i have: 1) Devias and Gaia co-exist( well since human love gd beings there's no reason y they would hate them rite?) while Asura is the considered to be human closer to death god and the demon god but since they can't prove which of the god they actually belong to because of the similarity in the demon and death god's power they consider them to be the same as the demons) 2) Devias and Gaia co-exist. The appearing of the Asura signifies the return of the Demons. Main character is an Asura and was found out by the girl( In this story she is a gaia and is not hated by the class) and the girl decides to help the main character keep it as a secret. Yup thats about all. Oh ya , even though romance is included, the pace of it is very slow, just hints of the girl liking the guy. It will be more of a battle manga than the romance type. Liked the replies a lot and hope more will come in soon! Till the next reply!
rikadoshinka	Main character design done!	#6	[-]
Posts: 5 (11/03/09 05:08:39) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Yup I've finished the design for the main character. It's currently at my blog www.abyss7.blogspot.com , pls comment and tell me how to improve! 2moro i'll probably do the female design, for thos who have posted on this topic so far I greatly appreciated it. As for the post! KEEP THEM COMING! Till then...
Qwertyman		#7	[-]
Posts: 221 (11/03/09 12:23:21) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Again, i love the sketches. you may not have the feel you are looking for, but theres still time to develop it, But if you can get the whole manga looking like that, then it will be fantastic, sadly a lot of mangas and other comics can have a great art-style but be lacking in the plot, which can ruin it, you want to be careful not to neglect any part of the manga. You really want to get a strong plot set out before starting the manga properly, creating deep characters, involving story arcs, interesting locations and avoiding cliche's where possible. The people on the sanctum are all very good with writing, and I'm sure they will be more than willing to give feedback on your ideas (although the NaNoWriMo competition is up atm, and I hear its very time consuming- they may not be active much for a bit). on your ideas: IMO if Devias existed, even if they were 'good' I would think people would still be mistrusting, envious or even spiteful of their powers, and also, just because someone is born with 'good' or 'evil' powers, wouldn't necessarily mean they would be a good or evil person. EDIT: Just out of interest, what did you draw your characters with? (oh, and Rikado Shinka is one kick-ass name :P) Last Edited By: Qwertyman 11/03/09 12:25:59. Edited 1 times.
rikadoshinka	Reply and What I'll be doing today...	#8	[-]
Posts: 6 (11/04/09 00:39:58) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Hmm i see ur point about Devias having gd powers not being necessary gd but if that's the case then i may have to change the plot to a whole new different way. Think out of the box huh? If the Gaia and Devias does not co-exist then we may have to try another totally new concept may be like there are 3 realms hmm... I'll think about it then post again, as always thank you for posting. K back to what i'm doing today, I kind of finished the female lead but the only problem now is what is the school clothes like, I'll be drawing a few Designs and hoped that you guys can give me some feedback N as for what i use to draw this is the process: 1) I 1st draw the pictures on a normal white paper 2) I Ink it so that It will show up on the computer when i scan it 3) I open up my photoshop and touch up on the drawing with my tablet 4) Apply computones on the picture 5) Color the clothes with the brush AND WALA! 1 pic done I would like to get a manga studio soon though haha... I post again when Im done with the clothes, should be around 2night or by the latest 2 moro evening. Thanks for all the support so far! Last Edited By: rikadoshinka 11/04/09 01:22:13. Edited 1 times.
rikadoshinka	Clothes made!	#9	[-]
Posts: 7 (11/04/09 03:10:08) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Yup i created 3 sets of clothes(female school) for viewing at my blog www.abyss7.blogspot.com . Regarding what u said Qwertyman, this is what i thought of : The gaia(Humans) don hate the asura for having evil powers, they hate them as they rather think of asura's powers closer to demons than thinking than as closer to death gods therefore think of them the same as the demons or monsters( Note: In this story Death god is considered good, Demons are hated because in the intro, a long time ago they would kill humans for their spiritual powers) although it will be reviewed that Asura is actually humans with powers closer to death gods. This is just my idea though, if you have any new ideas i would gladly consider them and work it out. K as for the Devias, ya true they might be born with good powers but they may be bad also but they are not hated as it is clear that their powers are from gods. Gaia will dislike them for being evil but not as much as the Asuras which they consider to be demons which brought humans many harms in the past. Yup thats what i have for now. Hope to see new post coming soon! And as usual, Till nxt time 11/6/09 Edit: If no 1 noticed, there's a page 2 to this topc now Last Edited By: rikadoshinka 11/05/09 21:13:32. Edited 1 times.
Naito		#10	[-]
Posts: 14 (11/04/09 09:52:10) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	i love the drawings :-) i personally favor Set 1 and Set 3. (Did i mentioned that i envy your nice drawing skills? ^^) I have to ask, why does your main character have an eyepatch on two drawings? decoration or does he has a injury to his eye? The story keeps sounding more and more interesting, can't wait to read your first chapter when you finished it :-) You did a good job on explaining the Devias, Gaia's and the Asura's. it's always, well at least in my opinion, important to explain why the different factions dislike each other so much. I feel that if the reader knows it, they can place themselves much better into the world. Maybe i'm just talking non-sense, so feel free to correct me XD
rikadoshinka		#11	[-]
Posts: 8 (11/05/09 00:23:33) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	TY alot for posting Well as 4 y the main character has an eyepatch over his face there are 2 reasons i came up with and would use either 1 depending on my final story plot : 1) It's a memento from his late father. 2) It seals his power or some sort, kind of like because of his family bloodline he can't control the power until he reaches a certain age or until he pass some kind of trail. N as for what I'm doing 2 day, i kind of finished a new clothes for the female, i think it's the nicest out of the 3 i made. Also i made the female character's asura form already so i'll post ot along with her normal form when i'm done(latest by 2moro afternoon). Also on another note I would be happy if i could see some of the story plot ideas from you guys, i mean like if i gave only the intro only how would you guys make the story instead? Anyway as always im happy to see ppl supporting ! Till nxt time then! EDIT: On another note i may also be doing a background drawing of the school( good to get it done 1st) Last Edited By: rikadoshinka 11/05/09 01:30:33. Edited 1 times.
rikadoshinka	Female Lead!	#12	[-]
Posts: 9 (11/05/09 19:03:05) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Yea, i finished the design for my female lead at my blog: www.abyss7.blogspot.com . No asura form yet though(got new ideas for it ) hope to see new posts coming in soon!
rikadoshinka	Asura Female Lead	#13	[-]
Posts: 10 (11/06/09 03:50:50) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Yea Finished asura form of the female lead : Kirisaki Nanoka its at my blog now at www.abyss7.blogspot.com Last Edited By: rikadoshinka 11/06/09 03:53:28. Edited 1 times.
rikadoshinka	Next up!	#14	[-]
Posts: 11 (11/07/09 02:52:00) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Hmm no new post? nvm maybe cause u guys are busy. Anyway I'm working on the name for Abyss 7 now and i will post it up on my blog when im done. O by Name it is not the title for the manga, its the draft. ( read bakuman for more details about this.) Hope to see new post soon!
Naito		#15	[-]
Posts: 15 (11/07/09 02:56:34) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	ahw she looks so cute and adorable, makes me wanna cuddle her.. then i suffer the wrath from tha mighty stick that is on her back xD "Kirisaki Nanoka VS. Naito" Kirisaki hits Naito for Infinity. Naito is no more. Kirisaki gains 60xp. Anyways, it looks nice hopefully you're coming along well with your first chapter PS: Yes, i was busy ;p writing drains your attention.. and off course, buying Dragon Age: Origins sucks your remaining time away.
rikadoshinka	1st 31 frames done... zzz	#16	[-]
Posts: 12 (11/07/09 18:57:28) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	wa... so tired... well anyway i finished the 1st 31 frames of the draft(Let stickmans do the talking!!), looks good though(the story) thats wat i think, i was thinking if i finished this chapter, should i change its topic to abyss 7 making instead? well anyway thanks for posting i will keep u guys updated..
Naito		#17	[-]
Posts: 16 (11/08/09 12:46:27) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	stickmans, they're your best friend. that is if you can draw XD i need to rely on my mental imagination, which is quite large if i might add. and you better keep me updated, or i will write a very, very angry Personal Message to you, demanding that i want to be kept up to date XD
rikadoshinka	UPDATE!	#18	[-]
Posts: 13 (11/08/09 22:42:28) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Yea , I'll keep you updated alright, I finished 52 frames of stickman story haha. Anyway I've the whole chapter planned out: First three pages: Intro, how the 3 kinds of humans came about 4-7: Shows Rikado Shinka helping a lost child 8-9: Nanoka (going to be late 4 school) bangs into them, when main character offers to help her up, she hesitated awhile then refused it and continues her way to school 10-11: Found the child's mother and Rikado Shinka arrives at the Kirisaki's House 12-14: Shows Nanoka arriving at school late, she apologises to the teacher and make her way to her seat. On the way the other students are talking and saying stuff like why isthat monster here and stuff. As she sits down, the guy beside her moves her chair slightly away from her. 15-16: Shows Shinka unpacking his stuff with the help of Kirisaki Yokiko(Nanoka's mom) when suddenly she screamed as she remembered that she forgot to place Nanoka's Bento (Lunchbox) in her bag. Shinka then does her a favor by brining it to the school 17-21: It's lunchtime at school and Nanoka found out that her mom forgot to put her bento in her bag, therefore she heads towards the cafeteria for food. Then we will see a few people (The Bad guys for this chapter) talking about her. When Nanoka bought her food and was going to find a seat, one of them purposely stick out ther foot and cause her to trip and fall( her food all over the floor) . The guys then continue to talk about her and she trys to smile. Then an announcement was made calling her to go to the place where you meet visitors(not sure where that place is called, if you guys know pls tell me ) then she meets Shinka in that place and he pass the bento to her, She is confused about y he has her bento n asks him but all he did was smile. 22-30: Nanoka walks him to the school gate and was interrupted by the group of people again asking Shinka y he is hanging around with a monster, Shinka is confused by the word 'monster' and ask them what they meant by that. The group then tells him that Nanoka is an Asura, Shinka is shocked at 1st but then smiles it off saying 'wow', he then taps on her head and heads for the school gate. The leader of the group, pissed off by Shinka said threw an lightning element lance at him. Shinka dodges it but the lance hits his eyepatch and it falls on the ground. Shinka then revealed that he too is an Asura, showing them his Kurogan( it means Black Eye, it was suppose to be the original name 4 this manga but i changed it). The leader of the group and him then fought but was interrupted by the student council president. 31-34: Nanoka and Shinka escapes to the rooftop and after talking for awhile the 2 became friends 35-41: Shows Nanoka walking home after school thinking about Shinka, kind of happy that she finally has a friend. When she reached her house she shouted to her mother that she finally made a friend, but when her mother asked her for the name of her friend she stoned there as she forgot to ask, She then heared Shinka saying His name to her and was shocked to find him in her house. Her mother then explains that Shinka's mother is a good friend of hers and he will be living with them from now. Yup thats about the whole story for chapter 1. Hope to see your comments about the story. O and if theres any part of the story I could improve on, pls tell me! Till Nxt time then. P.S. oh and later today or by tomorrow evening i will desgin a few eyes for Shinka's Kurogan I will nd your help then !
WhiteWyvern		#19	[-]
Posts: 245 (11/09/09 04:34:24) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Awesome, it sounds cool and I can't wait for the finished product
rikadoshinka	Wow new post	#20	[-]
Posts: 14 (11/09/09 05:45:40) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Wow, im suprised to find a new person posting in my topic. Thanks for the support though. K anyway UPDATE: FINISHED 110 FRAMES OF STICKMAN!! I think it's ending soon then i can start on the actual drawings. K till nxt time then.

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Help with the 1st chapter of my manga.....

Help with the 1st chapter of my manga.....

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