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Trucker's Concerto
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babeonownbike |
First ever short story (recorded that is) |
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Posts: 3 (03/28/08 05:47:38) |
I have a habit of composing bits or short stories in my head, but my sister has been after me to write them down. This is a
start!
--------------------------------------------------- Trucker's Concerto
He was pleasantly tired after a good day of driving. The truck driver was settled in his bunk, surrounded by just about
everything he owned, his hands under his head, taking in the sounds of the road outside. He enjoyed listening to the traffic. It was like music; each vehicle
with its own, individual pitch, harmonizing with others to produce an orchestral symphony of sound. Short bursts of one or another would stand out, then fade
into the overall concert. Tonight the few vehicles played solo and he imagined each instrument and the maestro behind the music.
The low, steady rumble of the percussion was a gravel truck, its many tires bearing their heavy load, driven by a weary father
eager to get home to a hot shower and catch the end of the game on the tube, while his son fell asleep in his lap. A high-pitched string section, heard as
suddenly as it was gone, was an expensive sports car, with a flashy young business man, impatient to get to his waiting friends for cocktails. Here came the
woodwinds; a practical family sedan, its driver a middle-aged woman clinging to the wheel, hands at two and ten o'clock, peering over the hood, nervous
until she was in her home, out of that vehicle. The brass section was played by a bus, the driver high on caffeine, the rows of seats filled with dozing
passengers caught in that netherworld between departure point and destination.
The pleasant bass of the motorcycle announced itself long before it arrived. The trucker relaxed a little more, savouring
the slow crescendo. He pictured the lone rider, with his legs resting easy out front of him, the evening wind on his
face, warm in the embrace of his leather jacket and a comfortable pair of faded blue jeans that rode up on his worn boots.
Smiling, the trucker's eyes closed, the bike now fading in the distance. Sleep drew its wand to a hushed finale.
Last Edited By: babeonownbike 03/29/08 14:11:56.
Edited 2 times.
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Lethe Gray |
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Posts: 513 (03/28/08 09:49:40) |
This is just awesome. Very very nicely done. You did miss an 's there in "each vehicle with it own", but aside from that nothing else to crit.
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babeonownbike |
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Posts: 5 (03/28/08 11:11:59) |
Thanks! I corrected the typo (which was probably created when I was correcting misuse of it's). I really appreciate any and all feedback.
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My BFF is Thesaurus.com |
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Wolfgang Kaiser |
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Posts: 228 (03/28/08 13:14:45) |
Really fantastic work - imaginative, with just a hint of surrealism, but still the sort of thing you could definitely envision truck drivers doing in their
spare time. You've got one little out-of-place "it's" in the last sentence there, but other than that I can't find any fault with the
grammar. If this is a fair example of the stuff you compose in your head, then I would echo your sister's plea to get more of it down on paper!
Do Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo? (Y/N)
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anonymouse21 |
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Posts: 87 (03/28/08 13:41:03) |
That was excellent! Your way of wording things was very good, and the overall idea of it was brilliant! Imagine someone listening to the sounds of the highway,
imagining it to be a symphony!
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babeonownbike |
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Posts: 6 (03/29/08 14:25:37) |
Yet another it's! I found all sorts of them in there initially. Bad apostrophe! Bad!
Thanks for the kind words. I took for granted these mind-stories I compose, and often forget them as soon as they are complete. I just don't really know where I'd publish them but maybe I'll at least put "pen to paper" so to speak. ------
My BFF is Thesaurus.com |
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Wolfgang Kaiser |
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Posts: 230 (03/29/08 18:50:47) |
Absolutely. Don't think too hard about readership; it doesn't really matter if these are publishable or not, because they're still good practice.
"Kidnapping Nubile Victorian Ladies Since 1867" |
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anonymouse21 |
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Posts: 137 (04/06/08 11:54:32) |
You could... publish them here! Well, it's not really publishing, but I want to read more!
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babeonownbike |
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Posts: 11 (04/07/08 04:04:12) |
Yesterday I was notified this story will be published in the May issue of www.longstoryshort.us which is an ezine. I'm not sure from how many submissions
my story was selected, but it's kind of exciting! Thanks for your encouragement here.
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My BFF is Thesaurus.com |
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Wolfgang Kaiser |
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Posts: 286 (04/07/08 09:05:55) |
Oh wow, nice going! See, know you know it's worth writing down!
"Kidnapping Nubile Victorian Ladies Since 1867" |
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anonymouse21 |
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Posts: 148 (04/07/08 16:35:15) |
You got it published? That's great! You see? It really is quite good. Keep writing, for sure!
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